by: Frank McGinty
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Is it really possible to save marriage from divorce? Or is the recent trend for one in three marriages to end in divorce a sign that we have grown up as a society and that freedom and self-determination have advanced?
Well, consider this. In a recent poll in the UK, pre-teen kids were asked:
"If you were king or queen of the world, what rules would you make?"
It appears that 'save marriage from divorce' was high on their agenda! Not many people expected the kids' Number One rule to be 'Ban divorce'!
Yet it was.
Our kids know the ugly side of divorce. They don't need films like 'War of the Roses' and 'Kramer versus Kramer' to bring this home. Many have experienced the sadness, fear and bitterness that more often than not accompany divorce - or they've witnessed it among their friends.
The (UK) National Child Development Study (April 2008) concluded:
"Divorce has repercussions that reverberate through childhood and into adulthood... Children from disrupted families tend to do less well in school and subsequent careers than their peers. They are also more likely to experience the break-up of their own partnerships."
No wonder many parents AND their children want to save marriage from divorce!
Yet so many parents go ahead with divorce, not because they are callous or uncaring, but because they can see no other way forward. They simply don't know where to turn for help, or they lack the impetus to tell others about their difficulties.
Often parents are unaware of their own weaknesses. Frequently they go into a marriage with ill-conceived expectations, so their demands can be unreasonable. The start of the breakup may be under way as soon as the marriage has begun.
Nobody doubts the sincerity of couples who take their wedding vows, and promise to love and support each other even through the bad times. But when those 'bad times' arrive, they often just don't know how to get through them.
It's made worse by the fact that we live in a 'disposable' society. We've become accustomed to having our way, to moving from one thing to another when we feel displeased or frustrated. Without a solid training in early childhood, it's difficult to persevere and see things through.
And the fact that the laws on divorce have been relaxed makes it so much easier to break-up rather than attempt to save marriage from divorce.
There's no denying that divorce has an ugly side - and it's only human to seek the easy way out in order to avoid staying in an unpleasant situation.
Sometimes parents benefit from divorce, but studies show that children rarely do. If you are keen to save your marriage from divorce, bear in mind that it will be a major challenge.
You may have to seek professional marriage counseling. This may be expensive or simply not available, but the good news is that you can also access many 'save marriage from divorce' resources online. There's no need to go it alone!
About The Author
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