Today, we hear a great deal about how marriages are falling apart. Many people have become resigned and cynical, convinced that their marriage can’t be tolerable. Most people never dream that their relationship with their spouse can be incredible beyond belief.
But it is possible. My husband and I have been married for more than twelve years. Once we began learning about how to create a great marriage, it has gotten better and better everyday. We’re not self-help nuts. We are simply two people who love one another who found really, really great marriage advice.
There were three things that we learned early that helped immensely:
Key to Building a Powerful Partnership #1: Be Responsible for Your Mood – Often, when we’re in a bad mood, or we’re worried about something, it is easy to dump all of our frustration and anger on our spouse. It takes some presence of mind and discipline to handle these situations well, but it is well worth the effort.
When you find yourself in a foul mood, simply say to your spouse, “I’m in a bad mood. This has nothing to do with you, and I will try not to direct it at you.” This allows your spouse to go on about his or her day without feeling either 1) obligated to make you feel better—which never works anyway, or 2) guilty for causing your bad mood—which is usually not their fault.
Saying those simple words creates a level of self-respect, announcing to ourselves and our spouse that we’re responsible for the daily ups and downs of our moods. Also, it helps us to avoid making assumptions about one another that create problems of their own. The best way to handle a problem is to never start one in the first place. Begin by saying the simple words above and see what miracles occur in your relationship.
Key to Building a Powerful Partnership #2: Make An Effort to Support Your Spouse the Way He or She Would Like to Be Supported – Most of us try to help out our spouses in the exact wrong way. I used to offer a lot of encouragement to my husband. But it never seemed to make any difference. He remained uninspired, and I got frustrated.
When I read this piece of wisdom, however, I actually asked him how I could best support him. He told me that he’d love good home-cooked meals and he’d love to spend time with me. What a surprise that was to me. So I started supporting him how he wanted to be supported and I scheduled time for us to spend time together. He felt taken care of and I felt appreciated. It was wonderful.
Key to Building a Powerful Partnership #3: Learn to Handle Disagreements – This is my favorite key, for it gives us the framework for handling tough situations. Disagreements will arise, that is the nature of being married. Following these rules will help any couple get through an argument:
a. Define the Problem and Ask, Immediately, “Is one of us just picking a fight?”– Actually do this. Sometimes, this will be the end of the argument, for some arguments are not really about anything except one spouse picking a fight. But the spouse who is picking a fight needs to be honest about it. This can take practice and more than a little humility. If your spouse admits to picking a fight, don’t say, “I told you so.” Show them some respect for having been honest.
b. Each Spouse Gets a Turn at Saying what They Need to Way about the Matter Without Interruption – This gives each person an opportunity to shed some baggage. This is needed in order to find a solution. But stop yourselves from going on and on, emoting about how upset you are.
c. Each Spouse Comes up with a Solution – Make these reasonable and not irrational solutions. After you’ve both offered one, then you can brainstorm on the solution. Usually, you’ll come up with one together that is really good.
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Dr. Isabella Santorini
Dr. Isabella Santorini
Dr. Isabella Santorini used to have a marriage that was fine, but it certainly wasn’t fantastic. She learned about creating a great marriage from a master at marriage. Since then, her relationship with her husband has flowered into a powerful partnership. Learn from the person who taught Dr. Isabella: http://mbguevara.savemarria.hop.clickbank.net/
Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/great-marriage-advice-three-keys-to-building-a-powerful-partnership-423203.html
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Showing posts with label great. Show all posts
Showing posts with label great. Show all posts
Monday, February 8, 2010
Friday, February 27, 2009
Three Great Marriage Tips
My husband and I have been married for twelve years. In that time, we’ve faced many hardships: deaths in the family, financial difficulties, having a child, and starting our own business. We used to just stumble through, hoping that because we loved each other, we’d be able to have a wonderful marriage.
But we found that there is a great deal to learn about having a powerful, rewarding marriage. So, we began learning from people who were masters at it.
From our studies, we’ve implemented great tools in our relationship that have helped us to easily build a great marriage.
Great Marriage Tip #1: Don’t Ever Talk Negatively About a Spouse To Anyone, Especially a Family Member – Assuming that your spouse is not abusing you, or doing anything else that is harmful, resist the temptation to speak ill of him or her. As spouses, you will forgive each other. Friends and family will not. Then, they’ll treat your spouse poorly and they’ll take sides, even when there are no sides to take.
This makes family gathering and activities with friends strained. If you need to speak with someone, talk to a therapist whom you trust.
Note: This tip includes trying to work out for a good solution with a friend. These conversations may start out innocently enough, but they slip into complaining very easily. If you talk to anyone, talk to your spouse. It may be rough going at first, but eventually, you’ll start to communicate.
Great Marriage Tip #2: Treat One Another With Respect – This seems obvious, but most of us don’t do it. We complain to our spouse and we feel entitled to take out our frustration on him or her. This compounds any problems that we had before, by creating more animosity between spouses instead of building a powerful team. When we treat each other poorly, we not only act in a way that is beneath us, but we also bring out the worst in our spouse.
A good rule is to act dignified, no matter the situation. This is an incredible thing to practice, taking presence of mind and discipline. But it can elevate our lives in unforeseen ways. The most important person with which to practice this is our spouse. When we do that, we build an invincible team, able to handle difficult situations with grace and ease.
Great Marriage Tip #3: Take On Your Own Life – This seems more about an individual than a marriage, but it helps marriages out a great deal. When we are committed and in action on those things that are important to us, a job, managing the house, being a great parent, etc., trivial things lose their significance. We get in fewer arguments. We just don’t have the time to argue or nitpick. Also, a huge reason for having arguments is to distract ourselves from our other troubles. When we have fewer troubles, we start fewer arguments.
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Dr. Isabella Santorini used to have a marriage that was fine, but it certainly wasn’t fantastic. She learned about creating a great marriage from a master at marriage. Since then, her relationship with her husband has flowered into a powerful partnership. Learn from the person who taught Dr. Isabella: http://mbguevara.savemarria.hop.clickbank.net/
But we found that there is a great deal to learn about having a powerful, rewarding marriage. So, we began learning from people who were masters at it.
From our studies, we’ve implemented great tools in our relationship that have helped us to easily build a great marriage.
Great Marriage Tip #1: Don’t Ever Talk Negatively About a Spouse To Anyone, Especially a Family Member – Assuming that your spouse is not abusing you, or doing anything else that is harmful, resist the temptation to speak ill of him or her. As spouses, you will forgive each other. Friends and family will not. Then, they’ll treat your spouse poorly and they’ll take sides, even when there are no sides to take.
This makes family gathering and activities with friends strained. If you need to speak with someone, talk to a therapist whom you trust.
Note: This tip includes trying to work out for a good solution with a friend. These conversations may start out innocently enough, but they slip into complaining very easily. If you talk to anyone, talk to your spouse. It may be rough going at first, but eventually, you’ll start to communicate.
Great Marriage Tip #2: Treat One Another With Respect – This seems obvious, but most of us don’t do it. We complain to our spouse and we feel entitled to take out our frustration on him or her. This compounds any problems that we had before, by creating more animosity between spouses instead of building a powerful team. When we treat each other poorly, we not only act in a way that is beneath us, but we also bring out the worst in our spouse.
A good rule is to act dignified, no matter the situation. This is an incredible thing to practice, taking presence of mind and discipline. But it can elevate our lives in unforeseen ways. The most important person with which to practice this is our spouse. When we do that, we build an invincible team, able to handle difficult situations with grace and ease.
Great Marriage Tip #3: Take On Your Own Life – This seems more about an individual than a marriage, but it helps marriages out a great deal. When we are committed and in action on those things that are important to us, a job, managing the house, being a great parent, etc., trivial things lose their significance. We get in fewer arguments. We just don’t have the time to argue or nitpick. Also, a huge reason for having arguments is to distract ourselves from our other troubles. When we have fewer troubles, we start fewer arguments.
--------------
Dr. Isabella Santorini used to have a marriage that was fine, but it certainly wasn’t fantastic. She learned about creating a great marriage from a master at marriage. Since then, her relationship with her husband has flowered into a powerful partnership. Learn from the person who taught Dr. Isabella: http://mbguevara.savemarria.hop.clickbank.net/
Married Couples How to Have Great Sex
Many married couples feel as though all of the great sex in their life is behind them. So many people buy into the idea that great sex is not sex with someone familiar, but this is just not true! You can have great sex whether you have been together for 6 months or 50 years you just have to know what to do to contribute to a great sex life! Anyone who wants to have fantastic sex can! Married sex is different than sex outside of marriage, but it can be better if you understand the finer parts.
Tips for the Men
Most men do not realize that great sex actually starts in the kitchen. Say what?! Yes, it starts in the kitchen! If you want to have sex with your wife you need to be sure that you are in the kitchen helping out by washing the dishes or taking out the trash. Let her know that you care about her by giving her a break. If you want her to be in the mood you have to make sure that she isn't exhausted and by doing these things for her you are likely to get her attention as well as make sure that she is well rested!
Take your time. Most men want to hurry through the sex process racing toward the finish line. Women are different than men, so you need to think about sex a bit differently. Slow things down a bit by turning on some music, offering her a glass of wine, rubbing her feet, and then making your move. When you try to rush through it you actually turn her off! Slow down for great sex!
Treat her like she is special. When you have sex with your wife, pretend she is the girl that you saw when you were on your second or third date that you could not wait to get into bed with but you also treated like she was really special! This is something that a lot of men forget about, but a woman likes to feel special so be sure you make her feel that way!
Surprise her with little things. Bring her home flowers, her favorite candy, a new CD, or even offer to bring home or cook dinner. This will get her attention and romance will be in the air and you will be setting the stage for great sex.
Tips for the Ladies
Tell him what you want. Women often get frustrated with their husband's because they never seem to know what is wanted of them. When it comes to sex, tell them what you want, when you do this you will generally find that they will willingly oblige, making for a good time!
Make time for sex. Many women put sex off until the end of the day, which means that it will be less than quality time spent together. Instead of putting it off, make time for sex. You will find that it is very enjoyable if you make time for it, and that you will look forward to sex more often!
Flirt with your man! Seduce him! Men are very easy to seduce so simply do a little dance for him, flash your favorite body part, or even tell them to meet you in the bedroom! You can be assured that he will respond and that great sex will follow!
Indulge his fantasies. Men are very imaginative and they generally have a lot of fantasies, so why not indulge him? Dress up, role play, simply have some fun and add a bit of spice to your sex life! When you do this you'll find that you really can make married sex really great!
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Rodrigo Rehn is a Relationships Expert, Linux Systems Administrator, Web Programmer, PHP Developer and CEO of FaceRomance online dating for singles.
Tips for the Men
Most men do not realize that great sex actually starts in the kitchen. Say what?! Yes, it starts in the kitchen! If you want to have sex with your wife you need to be sure that you are in the kitchen helping out by washing the dishes or taking out the trash. Let her know that you care about her by giving her a break. If you want her to be in the mood you have to make sure that she isn't exhausted and by doing these things for her you are likely to get her attention as well as make sure that she is well rested!
Take your time. Most men want to hurry through the sex process racing toward the finish line. Women are different than men, so you need to think about sex a bit differently. Slow things down a bit by turning on some music, offering her a glass of wine, rubbing her feet, and then making your move. When you try to rush through it you actually turn her off! Slow down for great sex!
Treat her like she is special. When you have sex with your wife, pretend she is the girl that you saw when you were on your second or third date that you could not wait to get into bed with but you also treated like she was really special! This is something that a lot of men forget about, but a woman likes to feel special so be sure you make her feel that way!
Surprise her with little things. Bring her home flowers, her favorite candy, a new CD, or even offer to bring home or cook dinner. This will get her attention and romance will be in the air and you will be setting the stage for great sex.
Tips for the Ladies
Tell him what you want. Women often get frustrated with their husband's because they never seem to know what is wanted of them. When it comes to sex, tell them what you want, when you do this you will generally find that they will willingly oblige, making for a good time!
Make time for sex. Many women put sex off until the end of the day, which means that it will be less than quality time spent together. Instead of putting it off, make time for sex. You will find that it is very enjoyable if you make time for it, and that you will look forward to sex more often!
Flirt with your man! Seduce him! Men are very easy to seduce so simply do a little dance for him, flash your favorite body part, or even tell them to meet you in the bedroom! You can be assured that he will respond and that great sex will follow!
Indulge his fantasies. Men are very imaginative and they generally have a lot of fantasies, so why not indulge him? Dress up, role play, simply have some fun and add a bit of spice to your sex life! When you do this you'll find that you really can make married sex really great!
-----------------
Rodrigo Rehn is a Relationships Expert, Linux Systems Administrator, Web Programmer, PHP Developer and CEO of FaceRomance online dating for singles.
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